This morning, I started off my day like any other day. Something was different and I didn’t feel quite right. All day, I pretended not to know what it was. I did know. Like clockwork, those thoughts showed up again at night.
Expressing one’s feelings is no easy task. Even more difficult, is disguising your pain by wearing a happy mask. Now more than ever, I think of the phrase, ‘out of sight, out of mind’. Many years ago, I was forced to leave my country and family behind.
I lost contact with my two young children. They are out of sight but always in my heart and never out of mind. Out of sight, out of mind. That’s how I feel. Those thoughts creep up on me every night as I sit at my table, alone, to enjoy my evening meal.
My heart feels broken. I long for my family to reach out and say hello and perhaps ask how I feel. They all live busy lives, no doubt about that. I pray for them and their families. I ask God to give them a minute to call me so we can chat.
I feel invisible. I feel like I don’t exist. But I can see myself and the fact that I can feel is proof that I am alive, that I can still wish and that I am real.
If I don’t reach out every now and then, I would never hear from any of them. For whatever harm I ever caused them, I ask for their forgiveness. I forgive them all even though by them, I feel forgotten. I love them dearly. My love for them will never go rotten.