“No Time For That”

As I lay here, full of anguish and pain, I think of all I have done, solely for my personal gain.

I think of my mother, who has her own pain. At times I do wonder, if visiting me, increases her pain, or perhaps brings her fear. One thing I know, I wish she were here. Sitting beside me, sharing her pain and expressing her fear.

My mind and body, are awakened by pain. Trying to sleep, I start counting sheep. Wanting to weep, but unwilling to cry, more times than not, I wish I would die.

My flesh wounds are deep. My emotional ones are deeper. Many nights have passed, when I see the Grim Reaper. No time for that. No time for that.

My existence is real, and I am here for a reason. I fight every day, and like a good soldier, I don’t commit treason. I ride every day. Time after time, beaten and bruised, I am dethroned from my saddle. Day after day, in this thing called life, I continue to battle.

I appear to be healthy, but I am broken inside. Today was divine, and I did see the sign. For God sent an Angel, to pray by my side. Signs from God have been many, all of which I’ve ignored. No time for that. No time for that.

What other signs will come? Will there even be any? Perhaps at least one? Was my Angel correct? Was this my last one?

As I bathe in my sorrow, I think of tomorrow. What will life hold, should I choose to change? What if I don’t? Will I live from spare change? No time for that. No time for that.

I know it’s not easy but the choice is mine. When I seek God’s help, he sends many signs. He invites me to dinner, and he always serves wine. Once I accept, I know in my heart, that I will be fine.

In silence, I tell myself “Help yourself out. God will be with you, day in and day out.” I will make time for that. I must make time for that.