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“If I Could”
“If I Could”
If I could, every morning I would bring you a flower. Not just any flower. I would bring you the purple orchid. Yes, the one you held in your final hour.
If I could, I would take back every word I uttered against you. I would forever hold on to your hugs, tears, smiles and laughter. I miss you so much. I wish you were here. I long for your words, your discipline and your soft touch.
I miss your voice, your hair and the reflection of love in your eyes. I miss your look of anger when I told little white lies.
In your memory, I visit your grave. I bring you a purple orchid and I look up at the skies. Sometimes they are grey but more often blue. If I stare long enough, I see an image of you. Sometimes there is rain and I pray that it washes away my pain.
I miss you, mom.
“For You”
“For You”
For you, there is nothing I wouldn’t give. My life, my blood, my soul. To regain your love, there is no wrong you can do that I would not forgive.
Yes, we are apart. That small detail reinforces that my love for you will forever remain engraved in my heart. The heartache of losing you is something I will never outlive. Even with all your rejections, from afar, I will be by your side as long as I live.
For a reason…
I often hear the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason.” Your neighbor’s view on this philosophy might be different than yours. Of course, you may both have the same view. There are only two possibilities.
There are some who will try to prove their viewpoint with facts while their neighbor will simply blame the cat for all the good and bad that happens in their life. Then, there are what I call spectators. The ones who don’t exactly publicize their viewpoint at all. They simply live life and observe. I like to think of them as those fans you will find at a baseball game with a scorebook and pencil in hand. It takes wisdom to be a spectator.
I believe they have successfully managed to, at will, tap into their sixth sense, which I believe we all have. When something happens, they don’t just see. They have also learned to observe and therefore process the information differently than someone who just ‘sees’ what is happening around them or, sadly, to them. I like to think of it as them not blinking when a critical sign in their life flashes before their eyes.
I’m quite certain that if you look around your house you will find a pencil. You might even find several. The question is, Will you find a scorebook?
“Slices of Life”
“Slices of Life”
Slices of Life. We all have them. For you, your largest and perhaps the most important one is when you married your significant other and brought him into your life. For him, it could be the day he divorced his fourth wife to pursue your affection. Perhaps an even stronger slice is the day he abandoned the life he forgot to mention.
Slices of life. Not immediately evident to you at the time, your birth became your first slice of life. At birth, fortunate children are welcomed by their father and his happy wife. To them, although not their first, this too is a momentous slice of life.
Against all odds, ‘John Doe’ babies who would otherwise only collect a few hours’ worth of slices, are given a great chance at life by our doctors and their modern devices. They did not perish. Instead, this incredible slice of life, with their foster parents, they will one day cherish.
Without having carved out their own significant slices and unprepared for a meaningful emotional connection, many young adults engage in meaningless, unprotected sex, which too often, to this world, brings a new life. A life that one day, when seeking more affection, they too might forget to mention.
Slices of life. We all have them. Some we want to forget and some we want to relive. To once again hit that home run… oh, there isn’t anything you wouldn’t give. While slices of life cannot be taken away, our choices in life can prevent us from ever feeling the same way. For some, this may sound comedic. It won’t to a once healthy athlete who turned to drugs and is now a quadriplegic.
Slices of life. To cut them, you don’t need a knife. You only need to be present, for you only have one life. Without an incision, no matter how grand your collection, if it selects you, Alzheimer’s will slowly cut these from your life. Has this thought crossed your mind? Are you scared? Don’t be. Instead, be prepared. Your faith will trump your fears. Carve out your own slices. Start now and continue through the rest of your years. Enjoy each moment while you live a meaningful life.
Slices of life.
“No Time for That”
“No Time For That”
As I lay here, full of anguish and pain, I think of all I have done, solely for my personal gain.
I think of my mother, who has her own pain. At times I do wonder, if visiting me, increases her pain, or perhaps brings her fear. One thing I know, I wish she were here. Sitting beside me, sharing her pain and expressing her fear.
My mind and body, are awakened by pain. Trying to sleep, I start counting sheep. Wanting to weep, but unwilling to cry, more times than not, I wish I would die.
My flesh wounds are deep. My emotional ones are deeper. Many nights have passed, when I see the Grim Reaper. No time for that. No time for that.
My existence is real, and I am here for a reason. I fight every day, and like a good soldier, I don’t commit treason. I ride every day. Time after time, beaten and bruised, I am dethroned from my saddle. Day after day, in this thing called life, I continue to battle.
I appear to be healthy, but I am broken inside. Today was divine, and I did see the sign. For God sent an Angel, to pray by my side. Signs from God have been many, all of which I’ve ignored. No time for that. No time for that.
What other signs will come? Will there even be any? Perhaps at least one? Was my Angel correct? Was this my last one?
As I bathe in my sorrow, I think of tomorrow. What will life hold, should I choose to change? What if I don’t? Will I live from spare change? No time for that. No time for that.
I know it’s not easy but the choice is mine. When I seek God’s help, he sends many signs. He invites me to dinner, and he always serves wine. Once I accept, I know in my heart, that I will be fine.
In silence, I tell myself “Help yourself out. God will be with you, day in and day out.” I will make time for that. I must make time for that.